New England humor

Hearty New Englanders

Here is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about New Englanders...

"Forget Rednecks ......."

If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you live in New England .


If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you live in New England .

If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you live in New England .

If 'Vacation' means going anywhere south of New York City for the weekend, you live in New England .

If you measure distance in hours, you live in New England .

If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you live in New England.

If you have switched from 'heat' to 'A/C' in the same day and back again, you live in New England.

If you can drive 75 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, you live in New England .


If you install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both unlocked, you live in New England .


If you carry jumpers in your car and your wife knows how to use them, you live in New England.

If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit, you live in New England.

If the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph you're going 80 and everybody is passing you, you live in New England .

If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow,you live in New England.

If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction, you live in New England .

If you have more miles on your snow blower than your car, you live in New England .

If you find 10 degrees 'a little chilly', you live in New England .

If there's a Dunkin Donuts on every corner, you live in New England .

If you think everyone else has a funny accent, you live in New England.

If you actually understand these jokes, and forward them to all your New England friends & others, you live or have lived in New England .

haha the a/c and heater can be done here too.

ya alotta those are Southern IL

If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you live in New England .

If you measure distance in hours, you live in New England .

If you carry jumpers in your car and your wife knows how to use them, you live in New England.

If the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph you're going 80 and everybody is passing you, you live in New England .

If there's a Dunkin Donuts on every corner, you live in New England .

If you think everyone else has a funny accent, you live in New England.


^ pretty much all of these work for any part of the country lol

not me! lol. not all of em at least. i'm a country boy in a small-ish town. we dont even ave starbucks thank dog EDIT* i mean you know who.

doc_auto wrote:

we dont even ave starbucks

i wish the rest of the world was like that!

All of these work for utah, except the mileage on the snow blower..... We just use the farm tractors here...

doc_auto wrote:

not me! lol. not all of em at least. i'm a country boy in a small-ish town. we dont even ave starbucks thank dog EDIT* i mean you know who.

try livin outside of a town wit pop. 350 lol

haha the town closest to us, emhouse, is 150 on sunday. but the next town, corsicana, has 30,000-ish including the illegals.

2500 legal citizens and 27,500 illegals?

79_bronco wrote:

2500 legal citizens and 27,500 illegals?

Yeah, it's called Miami.

no, we're talking texas here lol.. miami is 500 legals and 100,000 illegals

I live in a town of 15000, and its the biggest town within 3 hours travel

yeah you're out in the mountain sticks. dang i think i would go crazy with the terrain and the height. i think we're 300-400 ft above sea level.

doc_auto wrote:

. yeah you're out in the mountain sticks. dang i think i would go crazy with the terrain and the height. i think we're 300-400 ft above sea level.

. What'da mean height would make ya crazy? Town is only 5,280 feet above sea level, in the 20 miles to work I'm sitting at 7700 feet, in 45 minute drive I can be sitting at 10,300 feet above sea level..... However, I come there, my truck would run fairly good, you come up here, yours would run like ?;"+.......... If it was a carbed vehicle anyway....... Its great up here where oxygen just isn't as easy to get as there

screw that! i like it right here, where there's plenty of oxygen to go around

yeah i remember hearin my dad say you could rent carburetors up there tuned for your altitude. and for every 1000 ft above sea level you lose roughly 3% of your horsepower.